When you find yourself caring for a loved-one living with dementia, the best strategies for positive interactions may not come easily.  But you can learn! Here are some easy tips to make your visits or caregiving smoother. Prove to them that they are right.  All the time.  This is hard, especially when your loved one who is living with dementia is telling the vacation story all wrong. Again! Rather than correcting the story, agree with them, say pleasantly is that right?, or tell me more.  If you try to correct their version, you are setting them up to be embarrassed, hurt or angry, none of which are going to make your next task easier!  Just give a side wink to other listeners and respect your loved one. Allow them to tell the story their way.  Remember, they want to be social, and you can encourage that. Check your expressions!  If your loved-one living with dementia cant find the right words, or you cant understand what theyre saying, do you furrow your eyebrows?  Have you look at them over the top of your eyeglasses at them like your elementary school librarian did?  Have you ever tossed back your head or rolled your eyes once you understood what theyre saying?  Sorry to be blunt, but your expressions just accused them of being stupid.  Making someone feel inferior isnt a way to set up positive interactions. Keep you hands off your hips and your expression neutral or positive. Limit their choices. When you put a 9-page menu in front of them they will be overwhelmed. Rather, suggest two items that theyve had before and liked, then ask which one sounds good today.  Either choice is a winner, and you are the hero for setting them up to succeed in a difficult situation! If your loved-one living with dementia refuses to do something you ask, for example getting up to use the bathroom, try asking them to do something different instead.  I just make some coffee. Lets go get a cup.  Then on the way, say something light-hearted, like oh look, a bathroom. My mother said I should never pass up an opportunity to pee! You can also try singing a song they like and ask them to dance, do a march together, go water the flowers or empty the dishwasher anything to get them up and moving. Dont ask them to remember! You are not their doctor and dont need to conduct a memory test.  Remember that word retrieval is hard and kindly provide them with the information they need to succeed.  Hi mom, its your favorite daughter Deb.  When said with a wink and a smile, she may get the joke, know who you are, and not have to struggle. Tell them things you remember doing together.  I remember how happy I was every time we would cook together.  They may or may not be able to add to your thoughts, but you are still visiting pleasantly. Forgive yourself when you make a mistake. Apologize, ask for forgiveness, try another approach, and learn from your mistakes.  Every tool we learn may work at some point in the dementia journey, just not today. For more helpful tips, visit our Insights from Arthurs page, which provides more information to empower families experiencing dementia to have positive relationships.  

When visiting a loved one with dementia and Alzheimers, music is an old friend thats well worth taking along.Why is that? As you may know, dementia and Alzheimers causes damage to several regions of the brain that are important to functioning in daily life. The result is damage to memory, language and problem solving. As time goes on, communication becomes more difficult.But when it comes to music memory, Alzheimers seems to leave that part of the brain alone. It stays intact, even in advanced dementia.For that reason, researchers have taken a closer look at how music affects Alzheimers patients. Several studies show that dementia patients retain a strong recall of melodies and song lyrics. Not only that, but music also has a big effect on mood, resulting in a decrease in agitation as well as violent outbursts.Music is often called the universal language. Use it to create a space to spend time with your loved one with dementia. Heres how to get started.First, bring the tunesBuild a playlist of songs they know and enjoy that you can stream on a Bluetooth speaker. Or, bring a portable turntable, if you have one, and a stack of discs. Not sure what to play? With a little online searching, you can dig up the hits from their teenage years and start from there.Follow their leadAs you play songs for your loved one, pay attention to how they respond. Hearing familiar melodies can prompt them to come up with their faves, giving you more material to draw from.Break out into songA family singalong can be the perfect shared activity. The songs can come from your summer camp, hymns from church or holiday favorites. Find the familiar and print off some lyrics so everyone can join the chorus.Share your talentsIf you play guitar or keyboards, stage a live performance for your loved one. (Or, bring a musician friend.) If your musical talents allow you to take requests, even better. It will be a tremendous gift that helps your loved one access a different side of themselves that is still intact.Seek out mood musicIf you dont want to make music a central part of your visit, you can also have it playing quietly in the background to set the right mood. Try something slow paced and calm to help them settle after an agitated mood. Or something happy and upbeat to inject some energy into the space.Enjoy the momentMusic is a series of moments. As youre enjoying time together, be present, take it all in and soak up this opportunity to learn a new side of someone you love.Learn more about dementia from Insights from Arthurs, featuring educational videos from Arthurs Director of Development and Senior Care Consultant Deb Nygaard.  

Losing a loved one to Alzheimers or another form of dementia is hard on the family.  However, yearning for the person they used to be may prevent you from enjoying who they are right now. Here are five things families at Arthurs Senior Care assisted living have discovered about their loved ones as theyve progressed.My dad wanted to pursue a career in music, but right after high school his dad found him a job with the state, and he never went to college for music.  His decision paved the way for security for all of us, and we appreciate all our interest in music even more.  It was so interesting to learn of a decision that impacted our whole family that we never knew before.Our mother was a pastors wife and was kind to everyone. In her last years she began cussing like a sailor!  We were so mortified!  The staff at Arthurs helped us to see the humor in the situation, to love her where she was at.  Instead of dreading what she said, we marveled at how God created our minds, how we make choices when were able, and the fact that ALL of us know those words even if we choose not to say them.We learned that our parents used to dance a lot when they were first married and dating. I look a lot like my mom, and in later years when Id visit, he thought I was her and hed dance with me. Ive never been more honored to be his daughter in all my life.  I will cherish those memories forever.My aunt taught juvenile delinquents her whole career and was a confident lady.  Nothing fazed her. I learned how much fun it was to ask her advice about parenting. She knew how to provide tough love!My mom wasnt very nurturing growing up, and as Alzheimers set in, it got even more difficult. After moving to Arthurs, the staff (who didnt have any baggage with her) modeled how to enjoy her spicy comments, like why dont you just kill me now G*@#)!*%)*@!!  The staff would carefully wipe the grin off their faces, admit they werent in a murderous mood, and convince her to get out of her chair and go murder lunch instead. Their light-hearted enjoyment of the moment, their genuine affection for my mom, and kind responses were so helpful in my forgiving mom and enjoying her final years. 

Are you planning a trip with someone who has dementia? If their medical provider has cleared them for travel, and the pros outweigh the cons, dont leave home without a game plan.Traveling from home can be daunting or even scary. Scary for you, because their safety is in your hands. And scary for someone with memory issues, because airports, crowds and strange surroundings can trigger stress, agitation and confusion.Plan for extra timeTight deadlines and crowded airports are not a great combo when you have memory issues. If you have a flight to catch, arrive early. You can always stop for a leisurely bite to eat once youve been through the security line.Arrange for accommodationsBefore you book the flight, speak with the airline. Youll want to inform them of your loved ones special needs and talk over any accommodations they can provide for memory patients. Early boarding, for example, lets your loved one settle in at their pace without being jostled and hustled along by the crowds.Get a wearable IDDespite best efforts, people get separated, especially if your loved one gets confused and walks away while youre trying to check in your luggage. Get a bracelet or lanyard that has your loved ones name along with a means to contact you (i.e. your name and mobile number). Better yet, get involved with the Hidden Disability Sunflower Lanyard program. The sunflower lanyard gives your loved one a discreet way to alert airport workers that your loved one has dementia and has special needs.Before you go, read up on the Hidden Disability Sunflower Lanyard program.Keep things comfortably familiarOnce you arrive, build the trip around all things familiar. That means sticking to regular mealtimes with their preferred foods. Consider opting for their faves, versus sampling exciting new cuisines. Ideally, youre headed for a place they would recognize. Tip: If you can, pack along a few familiar objects to make their home away from home more familiar. It can be a framed photo of a pet, a favorite lap blanket, a ceramic cat as long as its portable, replaceable and sends a signal theyre at home base, it will do.Consider staying in a hotelStaying with family can be a great way to save money and get in some much needed quality time, but unless your host has ample space and firsthand knowledge of caring for someone with dementia your best bet is a hotel. If your loved gets stressed and overstimulated, a hotel room can be an oasis and an escape. It can also be a welcome respite at the end of a busy day, a place where you can finish up the daily routine in peace and quiet.Roll with the changesTraveling with someone with dementia means its important to expect the unexpected. They can get agitated, disorientated and confused, which means youll have to be flexible and get them to a place like the hotel room where they can settle and soothe. Plan plenty of breaks and be attuned to their needs from moment to moment.Learn more about dementia from Insights from Arthurs featuring educational videos from Arthurs Director of Development and Senior Care Consultant Deb Nygaard.